Standing Back Up

I had a rough week. I’m trying to pick myself back up again. I’m doing that by believing God, remembering His love, and forgiving myself for struggling. What knocks you down? What are your triggers? And, once you find yourself face-down in the arena, what is your next loving step to help you stand up and try again?


Video transcript (edited):

The last week has been absolutely horrible as in... horrible. I am NOT doing well. You can see it in me if you watch the video. I've gone all the way down and hit rock bottom. I’m just starting to pick myself back up again. I'm trying to stand back up and take another step down my road but my knees are wobbly and shaky. I’m not fully alive again.

Another description of my current state that comes to mind, — because all I can think of is metaphors -- is from a book, Daring Greatly, by Brene Brown. I have been daring greatly this week and I fell face down in the arena. It was a big, hard fall and now I'm trying to stand back up again.

Or, I am reminded of Peter walking on water. He steps out of the boat and takes some steps on the water. He actually walks on water toward Jesus Christ! Then he sees the boisterous winds and the fierce storm. He sees that he's standing on the surface of the sea and he gets scared. He starts to sink. That’s where I've been. I made it to the sinking part.

So what do you do when you're face down? When you’re falling? When you're at the bottom of that downward slope? One thing I'm doing is praying, reading the scriptures, reading good books, and listening to good music. All in an effort to remember the God I love and remember the messages that He tells me. I've been reading my journal where I write down the things that God tells me. I think I could read more and help myself believe His words again. Believe the truth that He wants me to hear.

Another thing that helps is forgiving myself. I have such a tendency to wipe out hard. I know this about myself. I actually like this about myself. I like that I'm all-in. When I try something I do it all and that means that if I'm traveling down a road, I'm sprinting down the road. I like that about myself. But it also means that when I wipe-out I totally wipe out. I skin both my knees. I rough up my face. It takes a while to pick that back up and brush off, even grow new skin again.

But then I end up getting mad at myself for wiping out so badly. And that's just not kind. So another thing that I've been trying to do is forgive myself. Everybody makes mistakes, absolutely everybody. I'm just like everybody. No worse and no better. I make mistakes. I fall and it's okay.

What is beautiful is that when I pray and when I ask God for forgiveness, He is so quick! He never hesitates! He says, “Yes. You're forgiven." The part that takes a long time is for me to forgive myself. I have to work at that in order to fully restore and fully come back to God because that self-blame separates me from Him.

The last thing that I've been trying, as I've been reading my journal, is to believe God. Believe that I am forgiven. Believe that He loves me just the same when I’m sprinting and when I'm wiped out. Believe that He's right here with me just like He’s always been, even if I can't feel it when I’m facedown in the arena. He's right here.

What knocks you down? What are your triggers? What are the things that just cause you to panic, freak out, feel fear, get defensive, react? Or, once you're reacting, -- once you're facedown in the arena -- what is the next most loving thing you can do to help yourself? What is the next loving step?

That's all I have for you today.

Keep shining!


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